Fighting stress

There are many reasons for staying away from what we like, what we want to do and what we are trying to do. Stress is one of them and in my personal experience it has kept me away from a lot of love and passion. I had let stress get the best of me. But then something in me changed. The more I got stressed the more I kept running away from what I wanted to do because I felt too tired to do it, because I thought that those feelings of fatigue and stress were going to be temporary. Well, they were not. Because without the things I love I am an empty shell. I realized all of this and decided to change things. There are times in life when I feel too tired and depressed to go on and other times that I get sick of wasting my life and decide to be active and try to make a difference. This is one of those times. So basically, what are my passions? I love singing, I love travelling and I love sports activity. I love languages and new cultures so I thought that I should start over from what I love and in order to do so I had to get rid of the activities that were causing stress. I've been member of a band for 7 years. I put up the band in the first place and guided it until last year. Then I talked to one of my guitar players and we both realized that we had been led astray from what we really like in music. We began playing some genuine, natural and instinctive music and we had some great experiences with that, we played in front of 500 people a couple of times and we saw our band grow in a few years. We found a label, a producer and we thought we were going to play at a higher level but we were wrong. We let those people tell us what to do and how to do it. At first they came up with suggestions but in a few months we ended up playing some silly stuff in order to meet a target, to please them, to fulfill their expectation. As a result some of us, me included, didn't like our own music anymore, didn't like playing it, listening to it and rehearsing was a stressful job instead of a creative playtime. Because in the end music is fun and it's a form of art. I felt like I was working in a factory with no wage. So me and my friend decided to call it quit. We both felt better and in a few months we decided we were ready for a new band together. Now I don't know what the result will be but I know that this is what I want to do, so I'll get committed somehow. Then comes travelling. As I said before I love travelling. I thought I couldn't do it because I work in a store and because I couldn't afford to travel around the world because travelling is expensive. But my attitude in life is that if you really want to do something you'll find a way to do it, no matter the cost or the barriers that you may find on your way. And so I started thinking and decided to take some time away from my job to travel around Europe next summer. I'm stil working on the plan but the idea is to leave in late May and travel counter clock-wise. I expect to come back in mid October. As for the money I intend to save some every month and play my handpan (I'm still waiting to have it but it will be ready in a month so I have a few months to learn how to play it) while travelling. I will couchsurf, sleep in my car and go to hostels depending on my resources. I will put a more detailed plan in the next blogs as soon as I have one but I will probably change my plans while on the road. I know it's a bit crazy but I really need to see what's out there and as time goes by it will get harder and harder to do something like this because the older you get, the more you get linked to things like work and family and you can't just get away and get lost. But now I can because my store has just been started and we're still paying debts so my income is almost none and I will give it up for a few months. Plus I have no choice because this place and this job don't feel good to me. This job is now the biggest source of stress in my life but I can't quit to find another stressful job, it wouldn't be senseful. I have to build something that I like so maybe being a street artist could be a good alternative to what I do now.
I want to end this post with a controversial thought: what if the only purpose of life was death?
What if this is all just a test. We are born, we grow and we get addicted to life day after day because in this world there are beautiful things that make life worth living. Take travelling and music for me, the stunning view on top of a mountain, the ocean glittering at dawn and all the things that make you want to go on when you're in darkness. But what's on the other side? What do we get when we die? Is there anything else? What if there was a guy waiting for you right after you pass out. "Hey, you finally did it!"? Maybe it's really just a test, maybe you can choose to enjoy this life for a while but it's only just a game and when it's over you get to a better place where you don't need to stuggle anymore, where everything is free and abundant. Yeah, I know it's a bit childish to think of heaven like this but what if it was true?

My voice is coming back

After about four months of poor harmonics in my voice I can finally see a change. I realized that I was drinking too few and now I have reversed this behavior. I was used to drinking a lot of water before, from 2 to 3 liters every day but then I read  some opinions on this matter from people who said that so much water wasn't necessary when you eat 100% raw. Some others said that water is always important no matter what you eat. I had to understand so I tried to do all of my daily tasks with no water or a couple of glasses throughout the day, except when fasting because in that case you necessarily have to drink a lot of water. In my experience water is necessary and it doesn't matter if my food is raw but I guess anyone has to try for themselves in order to understand what solution fits better. I believe that every person has to find it's own way to deal with things, what's important is to question everything all the time, if you want to know the truth. Plus I am still in the middle of a long detoxing process which will take at least a couple of years so things like hydration and bio chemistry in general might change considerably during this process. Another problem I'm dealing with is compulsive eating. It feels like bulimia but it's not quite the same thing. It's just sometimes I can't stop eating and I feel frustrated about it. I never had this problem before and I still haven't figured out why I feel like this. It might be the detoxification I mentioned above or something else, I don't know. Unfortunately here I'm gonna have to control myself which is something I don't like because I like when things are natural and simple, at least when it comes to primary needs, but I can't allow myself to be bulimic, especially when on a path to find more health, both physical and mental. But yeah, my voice is back so I can sing instead of eating. Or I can play bansuri or didgeridoo or all of the above.